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3 3433 08254458 0

A LIFE

HID WITH CHRIST IN GOD.

BEING

t m a 1 1

OF

SUSAN ALLIBONE

CHIEFLY CO M PILED FROM

HER DIARY AND LETTERS.

BY

ALFRED LEE,

BISHOP OF THE PROTESTANT EPISCOPAL CHURCH IN DELAWARE.

"To be spiritually minded is life and peace.''

v7

PHILADELPHIA:

J. B. LIPPING 0 T T & CO

1856.

Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1855, by ALFRED LEE,

in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the District

of Delaware.

PREFACE.

To those who enjoyed the privilege of acquaintance with the subject of this Memoir, it would be superfluous to adduce reasons for its publication. Among them, it is believed, there is no difference of opinion as to the advan- tage and duty of giving to the community as full a delinea- tion of her life and labors, as the materials which are accessible can supply. While her life was that of a retired invalid, the grace of God which was in her could not be hid, but was productive of such abundant and blessed fruits, that she became, in her own city and vicinity, extensively known — so far known, indeed, and loved, and honored, as to awaken a very general and earnest desire for a memorial like the present. The author has complied with the request to prepare the sketch for the public eye, with unfeigned reluctance, sensible of his inability, amid other numerous and press- ing engagements, to do it justice. But the task itself appeared attractive in prospect, and has proved delightful in execution. He can only express the hope that the reader may find as much pleasure and edification in the perusal, as he has found in the preparation. It has

1 * (iii)

IV PREFACE.

seemed to him that it could not but be seasonable and profitable, in a day like this, when superficial religion is widely prevalent, to present to the disciples of Christ such an exhibition of profound and living piety — of warm, spiritual affections — of delight in God — of fixed princi- ple— of outflowing, expansive love — of a " conversation in heaven." It will, he trusts, encourage the heart and strengthen the faith of many a weak and timid believer, to witness such effects of divine grace, and such a mani- festation of the love and power of Christ to them that trust in Him. And to those who, like Susan Allibone, are cut off" from the enjoyments of health, and confined to the couch of languishing, this illustration of the in- fluences of the Spirit compensating for every privation, and causing the tortured invalid to rejoice with joy un- speakable and full of glory, is commended, in the hope that it mav lead them to the same unfailing source of

V O

peace and happiness. Her example shows what the Gos- pel is worth to the sufferer who embraces it in simplicity and sincerity — the Gospel — and nothing beside. The truth as it is in Jesus proved, in her case, its divine energy — its heaven-derived power to comfort, elevate and sanctify the soul. And well would it be, if some of those who are searching for truth in the mazes of human speculation, or who are clinging to those delusions of self- righteousness and formalism, respecting which she has recorded her emphatic condemnation, might be led to recognise, in her experience and character, the value of those scriptural and evangelical principles which were dearer to her than life. This biography, it is hoped, will

PREFACE. V

also show how much may be clone for the glory of the Redeemer, and the salvation of immortal souls, even under circumstances seemingly depressing and adverse, by the Christian who enters into the reality and preciousness of the doctrines which he professes.

Only wishing that this work had been entrusted to a more competent hand, it is now submitted to those wTho feel an interest in the manifestations of practical Chris- tianity as an humble attempt to portray the character and influence —

1. Of a true woman — one who, while gifted with great mental energy, ever exhibited the delicacy, tenderness and refinement of her sex.

2. Of a true friend — who constantly gave the best proofs of affection by faithful admonitions and fervent in- tercessions.

3. Of a true Episcopalian — who fully appreciated and happily exemplified the fervent, elevated and charitable spirit of the Church of her choice.

4. Of a true believer — to whom "faith was the sub- stance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not

seen.'

5. Of a true disciple of Jesus Christ — who sat meekly at His feet, imbibed His Spirit, lived His religion, and glorified His name.

WILMINGTON, Del., Dec. 7tk, 1855.

CONTENTS.

CHAPTER I . — A. D. 1813—1832.

Introduction — Birth — Maternal Influence — .School Days — Love of Study- -Partiality for Poetry — Works of Fiction — Later Judgment «. Page 15

CHAPTER II. — A.D. 1833.

First Religious Impressions — Discouragement — Conversion — Dr. Bedell's Ministry — First Approach to the Lord's Table — Con- firmation — Love for the Episcopal Church and Liturgy — Catholic Spirit — St. Andrew's, Philadelphia — Evangelical Views.. ... 21

CHAPTER III. — A.D. 1833.

Ill-Health — Fortitude and Submission — Letters to Suffering Friends — Efforts to do Good — Enjoyment of the Beauties of Nature — Temora — Dr. Bedell's Illness — Birth-day Reflec- tions 30

CHAPTER IV. — A.D. 1833.

Solicitudes for others — Wide and Lasting Results — The Chris- tian in her Family — Letters to a Sister — Close of the Year 52

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Vlll

CONTENTS.

CHAPTER V. — A.D. 1834.

Increased Illness — Apprehended nearness of Death — Impres- sions of a Work to be done — Eleven weeks' Confinement 64

CHAPTER VI. — A.D. 1834.

Convictions of Duty — Letter of Encouragement — Assurance — Enjoyment of Christian Biography — Love for Society of Chris- tians— Delight in the Law of God — Interest in the Church — Letter to an Enquirer — Dr. Bedell's Death — Funeral Sermon —

Religious Souvenir..

88

CHAPTER VII. — A.D. 1835.

Expediency of Diaries — Characteristics of the present Diary — Visits to the sick — Vernal Beauties — Letter to her Mother — Grief at profanation of the Sabbath — Bishop Moore — Ro- manism— New Pastor — His Institution — Rev. Mr. Clark's Sermons 126

CHAPTER VIIL — A.D. 1836.

Serenity in Prospect of Death — New-Year Thoughts — Prayer for Guidance in Efforts for the Good of Others — Domestic Enjoy- ment- -Letter to a Unitarian — Letter to a Sister on Baptism — • Visit to Princeton — Letter to a Sister commencing a Christian Life — Visit to Cape May — Letters of Dr. Clark — Temora — Letter on Christian Activity 150

CHAPTER IX. — A.D. 1837.

Office of Sponsor — Letter to a Sister after Baptism — Feelings at witnessing Confirmation- -Visit to a Dying Believer-- Bucks County --Letter alluding to her Sufferings — Feelings at the prevalence of Depravity-- Spiritual Ignorance and Destitution — Buchanan's Memoir — Dr. Clark's Ill-Health and Leave- taking — Close of 1837 185

CONTENTS. ix

CHAPTER X. — A.D. 1838.

Counsels to Enquirers — Clear views of Truth — Letter of En- couragement— Interest in Accessions to the Church — Season of Lent — Jewish Rabbi — Letters to a young Christian — To Rev. J. A. Clark — Interest in her Orphan Cousins — Solici- tude for the Church — The General Convention — Tranquillity in Danger , 212

CHAPTER XL — A.D. 1839.

Commencement of the New Year — Christian Intercourse — Efforts Blessed — Mr. L.'s last moments — Visit to Princeton — Antici- pations of Heaven — Last Letter to her Mother — Happiness in her Family — Her Mother's Illness and Death — Narrative in Miss Allibone's Diary — Letters to her Sister and Cousin — Correspondence with Rev. J. A. Clark — Conflagration — Visit from J. J. Gurney 236

CHAPTER XII. — A.D. 1840— 1842.

Effect of the shock upon Miss Allibone's Health — Spiritual Peace her sole Support — Prostration — Intermission of Writing — Dr. Clark's Letters — The Easter of the Universe — Comment on Jude xxiv. — Intimacy with Miss L. V. Byrd — Letters to Miss B. — Counsels to the Desponding — Communions in private — Removal to Harniltonville — Cottage Home — Efforts to do good — Excursions to the Woodlands — Classes for Instruc- tion — First Letter to Rev. R. Smith , 258

CHAPTER XIII. — A.D. 1842.

Letters to Miss B.: To a Young Person: To Rev. J. Howard Smith

— Bishop Moore's Visit — Return to the Sanctuary — Romaine

— Confirmation — Visits to the Vestry-Room — Plan for a Church in Bucks County — Letters on the Subject — Urgent Letter to

her Cousin R. S , 286

CHAPTER XIV. — A.D. 1843.

Success of her Efforts for the Young — Recent Illustration — En- joyment of the Holy Communion — Letter to R. S. on the Scrip- tures— Letter to J. H. S. — False Doctrines — Dr. Clark's Illness

— Prospect of Sudden Death — Miss B.'s Illness — Letters of Condolence — Hortatory Letters to a Lady 306

X CONTENTS.

CHAPTER XV. — A.D. 1844.

Letters of Friendship — Recollections of her Mother — Visit from an afflicted Friend — Dr. Clark's Death — Letters to Miss B. — Letter to a Bereaved Mother — " The Land far Away." 325

CHAPTER X V I. — A. D. 1845.

Letters to Miss B. — Missive of Consolation in Illness — Visit to her Friend's Death-bed — Departing in Peace — Projected Me- moir — Piece written in an Album — Thoughts suggested by Flowers — Letters containing allusions to Miss B 339

CHAPTER XVII. — A.D. 1846.

New Year's Day — Dr. Judson's Visit — Letters: To a Young Man: To a Mourner — Visit from Bishop Potter — Increased Debility — Close Confinement — Dependence on Spiritual Succor — Rejec- tion of Stimulants — Notes made in her Chamber — Peace in Christ — Letter of Persuasion 355

CHAPTER XVIII. — A.D. 184T.

Conversational Remarks — Letters : To Relatives : To an Invalid : To a Fatherless Daughter : To W. A. N. - - Estimate of Arch- bishop Leighton — Mystical "Writers — Letter to Bishop Potter

— Letter of Caution to a Young Disciple: To Mrs. Bedell — Recollections of Dr. B. — St. Andrew's — Flattery — Visitors — Adaptation to all Classes — Henry Clay's Visit and Conversation

— Correspondence with Mr. Clay 375

CHAPTER XIX. — A.D. 1848— 1849.

A Comforter of the Sorrowing — Letters of Sympathy to the Be- reaved: To an afflicted little Boy — Conversation — Content- ment— Letters to Dr. N. : To R. S. on Discouragements — Alarm at Tractarian Errors — Letter referring thereto — Letters of Friendship — Pastoral Visits — Letter to one lately baptized — Importance of a high Standard in Religion — Letters to the

Young

394

CONTENTS. XI

CHAPTER X X. — A. D. 1849—1850.

Death of her Sister — Congeniality — Active Usefulness — Support -Sanctified Grief — Letters descriptive of her Sister's Charac- ter : To Rev. Dr. Fowles : To Girls in the House of Refuge : To her Preceptor : To the Mother of an Afflicted Child 430

CHAPTER XXL — A.D. 1850.

Letter to a Bereaved Mother in Ireland — Persuasive Letter to a Youth — Letters to Dr. N.: To a Relative — Intercourse with the Young — Unitarian Views — Letter on the subject to R. S.

— Dr. Channing — Arianism — Letters of Friendship and Con- dolence 443

CHAPTER XXII. — A.D. 1851.

fnterest in Foreign Missions — Letters on the subject to Rev. R. Smith — Mr. Smith's Devotion to the Work, and Early Death

— Letter to Dr. N. — Another sharp Affliction — Letter of Con- solation — Dr. Gordon's Life - - Letters : To Rev. Mr. D., on Entering the Ministry: To an Invalid Youth — Visit from an aged Christian 462

CHAPTER XXIII. — A.D. 1852.

Letter on Missions to R. S. — Natural Affections strengthened bv Grace — Letter to a Friend on the Death of his Mother — Letters to Friends in Europe : To R. S., the Ministry : To a Young Convert : To a Prisoner 481

CHAPTER XXIV. — A.D. 1853.

Unexpected Continuance — Epistolary Efforts — Various Letters: To a Bereaved Parent : Urgent Persuasive to a Youth : To another, pressing Immediate Repentance : Remarks upon the Psalms: To R. S. — Interest in the Colored Race — Congratu- latory to a Young Disciple — Description of Visit from Dr. Kal- ley — Work of Grace in Madeira — The Awakened Romanist — • Social Affections — Youthful Aspirations — The True Church of Christ — To Rev. J. II. Fowles in Illness 499

2

Xll CONTENTS.

CHAPTER XXV. — A. D. 1854.

Waiting for God's Salvation — Cheerfulness of her Apartment — Letters to the Young — Morell's Philosophy of Religion — Mr. Fowle's Illness — To J. II. S. — Simplicity of the Gospel — Pre- ference of Love and Faith to Knowledge — Roniaine — To a Young Person on Insincerity — Desires to fathom certain Pas- sages of Scripture — Removal of Friends — Visit from a Converted Ojibwa-- Letter to R. S. --The Highest Study — Pineville — To Mrs. Kalley — Apprehended loss of Sight — Acquiescence — Letters of Sympathy — Vision of a believer — Concluding Letters. 539

CHAPTER XXVI. — A. D. 1854.

Relative Value of the Living and Dying Witness — The Event in Constant Prospect — Increasing Debility — The Summer of 1854 — Incidents of the Last Weeks of her Life — Final Commu- nion— Closing Scene — Funeral — Address and Sermon 573

MEMOIR

OF

SUSAN ALLIBONE.

CHAPTER I.

Introduction — Birth — Maternal Influence — School-days — Love of Study — Partiality for Poetry — Works of Fiction — Later Judgment.

THE works of the Lord furnisli an inexhaustible source of delight and instruction. The treasured secrets of the mate-

o

rial universe, the mysteries of over-ruling Providence, the manifold arrangements that render earth so beautiful and convenient a dwelling-place for man, amply reward the re- searches of the patient inquirer. But redemption presents a fairer and more glorious page to our study than creation — grace has richer stores and purer gems than nature. No wisdom is more wondrous than that which builds up the temple of the Lord with living stones, and erects therewith a meet, acceptable shrine for his eternal indwelling. No loving-kindness is more admirable than that which translates undying souls from the kingdom of darkness into that of God's dear Son. No earthly charms, however attractive and exquisite, .can compare with the beauty of holiness. In the language of one whose character the following pages will attempt to delineate, " It is delightful to watch the expand- ing foliage and budding flower ; still more interesting is the

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16 INTRODUCTION.

development of intellect and of social and moral character ; but it is a more hallowed and satisfactory employment to trace the operations of the Holy Spirit upon the heart of a believer." The signal triumphs of divine grace are too pre- cious to be lightly esteemed or soon forgotten. They con- firm the faith and animate the hopes of the wayfarer towards Jerusalem that is above. There is a sacred duty devolved upon survivors, to preserve and perpetuate shining examples of Christian excellence. The light enkindled by fire from heaven, which hath beamed with holy brightness, ought not to be quenched or hidden by the shadows of the tomb. Long after the orb of day hath descended behind the Western hills, his mellowed rays illumine and guide us. And years after the faithful disciple of Jesus hath gone the way of all the earth, holy instructions and affectionate counsels, works of faith and labors of love, active zeal and patient submission, survive to edify and bless.

The present memoir is an humble attempt to perpetuate the name, and to widen the hallowed influence, of one whose memory is embalmed in many sweet and holy recollections. None who knew SUSAN ALLIBONE, while she was a dweller upon earth, could doubt that her name was written in heaven. There will be a cloud of witnesses to rise up in the great day of recompense and call her blessed : sinners, whom she was the instrument of converting ; Christians, whom she strengthened and animated ; mourners, whom she comforted ; wanderers, whom she led back to the Shepherd of the flock ; the aged, whose feeble knees she confirmed ; the youthful, whom she sweetly attracted ; and the little children, to whom she spake so winningly of a Saviour's love. And although her voice is no longer heard in the fervent prayer or the melting appeal, and her pale, sweet countenance is hidden beneath the sod, yet her bright example long will live, and her words spoken in season carefully be treasured up. She "being dead, yet speaketh." And now that her ear cannot

BIRTH. 17

be pained with the sound of human commendation, a full exhibition of a character so eminently sanctified, is but an- other trophy laid at the feet of that Saviour, who was indeed all her salvation and all her desire.

The traveller, approaching Philadelphia by the Southern Railroad, after crossing the Schuylkill, sees on the opposite bank of the river an interesting landscape. Smooth, verdant fields slope gently down to the margin of the stream. A magnificent grove of forest trees crowns the crest of the hill, and embowers an ancient mansion to which the estate once pertained. But the dwelling and the grounds are no longer joyous with the mirth of the living. The monumental marble glistens in its white purity amid the trees, and the silent dead repose beneath the grassy turf, within sight of the busy city, but beyond the sound of its stirring multitudes, unvexed by its agitations. Under one of these noble trees is the simple monument on which is graven a name associated inseparably, in the minds of her familiar friends, with the glory of Christ. It was a spot which she loved to visit while still permitted a brief escape from the chamber of sickness, and where she passed many hours of delightful meditation, looking forward with joy to the period when her flesh should there rest in hope, and her spirit be welcomed to its heavenly home. When " the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised in- corruptible," how radiant and glorious a celestial body will emerge from that sepulchre, and " be caught up to meet the Lord!"

Susan Allibone was born in the city of Philadelphia, July 29th, 1813. Her father, William, the son of Thomas and Esther Allibone, was also born in Philadelphia, March 4th, 1781, and departed this life, Nov. 18th, 1821. Her mother, Sarah, daughter of John and Sarah Smith, was born near Wrightstown, Bucks County, May 81st, 1784. Of this vene- rated parent, Susan always spoke in terms of enthusiastic admiration and affection. The diary and letters embraced in B 2*

18 MATERNAL INFLUENCE.

this sic etch show that no common bond united the mother and the children. And these unstudied, confidential outgushings of filial love and reverence furnish a beautiful tribute to her parent's memory, and embody a graphic portraiture of her character. The subject of this memoir felt her own debt to maternal tenderness, fidelity, and wisdom to be a large one, and gladly and gratefully did she confess it. And what was the heart-wrench occasioned by the parting of the grave, when the mother was removed from the household which she cherished and adorned, will be best appreciated from her own touching language.

The firm and decided character of the mother, her calm energy and excellent judgment, were admirably calculated to control and direct a temperament like that of Susan, naturally ardent and impetuous. Under her judicious, fostering care, Susan's infancy grew up to sprightly, ingenuous youth, and youth expanded into sensitive, warm-hearted womanhood. A large family of brothers and sisters contributed to each other's happiness, and the ties of affectionate interest among all the members of the family were strong and abiding. Fixed, sterling principle was prominent in the mother's cha- racter, and was, with God's blessing, successfully imparted to her children. Truth, integrity, benevolence, and kindness were inculcated by example as well as precept, and the mother was spared long enough to reap a very precious reward of he^ cares and solicitudes.

Susan gave early indications of an active, vigorous intellect, and a warm, lively imagination. At school, her progress was satisfactory and rapid, and of her teacher she always spoke with great regard and affection. Her fondness for study and thirst for knowledge rendered it aftenvards a sore trial, when the failure of her health required the abandonment of severe mental application.

Her love of literature was absorbing, and she often luxu- riated, in some secluded retreat, in the quiet enjoyment of a

WORKS OF FICTION. 19

favorite author. To her taste for the beautiful, and vivid imagination, poetry was exceedingly attractive, — neither is it to be wondered at that works of fiction had their charm for her early years. But after she knew Christ, or rather was known of him, she gave a striking evidence of the reality and firmness of her new principles, in the entire renunciation of this fascinating literature. The suspicion that a practice was injurious to the spiritual character, and hostile to growth in grace, was always enough to determine her course. She resolutely acted upon her convictions of duty, at whatever immediate sacrifice, and never hesitated to forego any grati- fication upon which she could not ask the blessing of God.

The subjoined letter to a friend alludes to her early fond- ness for such seductive works, and gives her matured judgment respecting this indulgence : —

u

The pamphlet thee playfully sent me, clear , I have thus long

detained, not that it might receive an attentive perusal, but from a desire to accompany it with an expression of affectionate interest, of which dear sister's pen must be the medium. A formal criticism upon works of fiction I do not wish to give thee. I must not forget how much I once delighted in these polluted streams. It is in sor- row, not in anger, that I would persuade my friends to forsake them.

The river of life, dear , yields purer and more refreshing waters,

and of these alone may we drink and be satisfied. Oh ! taste and see that the Lord is gracious. Let experience test the blessedness of religion, and then will thee confirm my testimony, that one hour of its enjoyment is of greater value than all the pleasures of earth. The happiness of the Christian is not all prospective. God gives his children the earnest of his promised inheritance, and they regard with compassionate tenderness those around them who amuse them- selves w.ith trifles here, and are quite unfurnished for the world to come. l We must all stand before the judgment-seat of Christ.' And how shall I then feel, if I be not faithful in the discharge of

' i_-

my responsibility towards one who is united to me by the ties of

kindred? Pray, my dear , for a realization of eternal thin -

The dream of earthly pleasure cannot last for ever. It will be fear- ful, indeed, to awake in a dying hour or in a world of wo I Jesus of Nazareth passeth by; beseech Him to enter thy heart: He will

20 LATER JUDGMENT.

wash away its sins, and fill it with holy joy. It will know no longer the restlessness of ennui, but will rest in peace upon the Eock of Ages. There will be joy in the presence of the angels of God, and then will fervent thanksgiving ascend from the heart of thy friend."

The following interesting reference to her feelings at this period of her life, is taken from an unfinished letter addressed to the pupils of a Female Seminary : —

" My school-days have passed away, but not so my sympathy with the warm feelings and bright hopes of a young heart. I would not harshly reprove its wayward imaginings, nor rudely awake it from its day-dreams. I would not speak only of the stern realities of life, and the disappointments which so often crush the buoyant spirit. Oh, no ! my young friends. I would tell you first of t Him who was lifted up from the earth that He might draw all men unto Him.' How ardently /once desired some source of happiness, which I found not in myself, nor the objects which surrounded me; and how did I strive to satisfy this longing of the soul by recourse to the fictions of other minds, and the romantic aspirations of my own ! I saw at once that the pleasures of the world did not even promise enjoy- ment; for the unmeaning conversation, and idle pursuits of the cir- cles of gaiety, were to me scarcely more interesting than the toys of childhood. I endeavoured to acquire knowledge, and though my intellectual possessions were very limited, it was my delight to add to them a little more. I knew there was no resting-place upon the hill of science, but its rugged ascent presented attractions which urged me to journey on. But there was still a painful void : I had a spiritual nature, and it was not at home in any sublunary pursuit. The Holy Spirit, who marked my ineffectual research, then graciously vouchsafed me light enough to show me that I had lost my way, and I resolved to seek my Heavenly Father's blessing."

Writing long afterward to a young person obliged by ill health to desist from study, she says : — "I remember well how many tears I shed when I was subjected to this trial, for it was my earnest desire to acquire vast stores of informa- tion, but I felt even then that there was one subject of investigation more important than all the resources of human literature."

CHAPTER II.

1833.

First Religious Impressions — Discouragement — Conversion — Dr. Be- dell's Ministry — Baptism — First Approach to the Lord's Table — Confirmation — Love for the Episcopal Church and Liturgy — Catholic Spirit — St. Andrew's, Philadelphia — Evangelical Views.

THE era of the believer's second birth — of the commence- ment of the new, the immortal life, hid with Christ in God — with what interest will it be invested throughout eternity ! With what delighted wonder will the glorified saint review each step of the way in which the Lord led his servant, emerging from .nature's darkness into marvellous light, and discover the amazing wisdom and love which directed his goings. In the experience of some of God's children, the transition is marked and sudden from death in trespasses and sins to newness of life. The conviction of sin is sharp and agonizing, and the believing view of the Lamb of God is im- mediately attended with such emotions of relief and joy, that the circumstances of the change are manifest, and the hour discernible. But among those familiarized, from early youth, with the truths of redemption, this is not the ordinary method of the Spirit's operation. Silently and imperceptibly, the truth, that had been known to the intellect, stirs the con- science, engages the affections, and penetrates the heart. Like the natural husbandry, there is first the blade, then the ear, then the full corn in the ear. The influx of the divine light is not like the tropical sun-rise, flooding the landscape, a little while before buried in night's obscurity, with an almost instantaneous and overpowering radiance ; but like the unveiling of the same bright orb in more temperate, but

not less favored regions, the dawn advances with a progress

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22 CONVERSION. [1833.

almost imperceptible, until the perfect day gladdens the re- joicing world.

Thus it was with the eminent Christian whose deep religious experience, whose ripeness in knowledge and grace will be presented in the following pages, chiefly through the medium of her own unconscious pen. Her conversion was not one marked by sudden transitions and violent emotions. Like Lydia's, her heart was gently opened by the Spirit of truth, and the conclusion that she was herself a new creature in Christ Jesus was the result of calm reflection, and the review of a change that had been many months in progress. Com- paring her present with her former self, she recognized, with tremulous hope, and joy mingled with solicitude, cheering in- dications that she had been the subject of divine grace, and was confirmed in her purpose of devoting herself to the Lord. Upon this point she remarks, in her own Diary (under date of February 17th, 1833) :

" I am often grieved that I have not experienced deeper convictions of sin, and stronger feelings of repentance ; but I desire to experience any feelings that may be profitable. I will not be discouraged on that account, especially as my re- ligious feelings have been so very gradual. The conviction of being an object of the displeasure of Grod has weighed heavily upon my mind during the past year or two ; and as I have recently become sensible of a more peaceful state of mind than I have ever before enjoyed, I will trust that a saving change has commenced in my heart, and that it will not be long ere more light be given me."

The religious sentiments of Miss Allibone were put to the test of protracted and distressing illness, and were intimately connected, in the minds of her friends, with the confinement and pain by which they were so beautifully illustrated ; but they were not, at their commencement, the fruit of broken health, and enforced seclusion. On the contrary, she turned from the world when it lay all bright and tempting before

1833.] DR. BEDELL'S MINISTRY. 23

her, and chose the Lord for her portion before she knew the tedium and distress of the invalid's chamber. In one of her letters, commending her Saviour's love, occurs the remark, " She might suppose that suffering had driven me to this re- fuge ; but I felt that it alone is a resting-place, before I felt the influence of disease."

Her attention seems to have been first arrested by a ser- mon which she heard, at the age of sixteen, on the text, " The wages of sin is death." So much was she impressed by it, that she was induced to seek the society of Christians, in the hope of obtaining that encouragement and guidance, of which she now felt the need. In this hope she was disap- pointed. Her thirst for religious knowledge was not satisfied, and her salutary impressions grew by degrees fainter. The remembrance of this stage in her spiritual history", and of the loss and discouragement which she sustained, by the want of Christian counsel and invitation to communicate her own feelings, exerted a decided influence upon her religious life. She dreaded lest she herself should thus quench the aspira- tions of any awakened soul, and especially of any youthful seeker after salvation ; and hence she was ready, not only to welcome the introduction, but to anticipate the all-important subject. Her heart was overflowing with love for the souls of all around her, and out of the abundance of the heart her mouth spake constantly, affectionately, and persuasively. She formed the habit of introducing religion into all her conver- sations and letters, and combined fidelity and plainness with such winning gentleness and cordial sympathy, that none could be offended. The Lord God gave her the tongue of the learned, that she might speak a word in season to those that were weary.

Her desires for peace with God were again rekindled, and she found special blessing and comfort from the ministry of the Rev. Dr. Bedell, Rector of St. Andrew's Church. The labors of that devoted servant of God formed an era in the

24 BAPTISM. [1833.

religious history of the city in which his lot was cast. He " preached the gospel with the Holy Ghost sent down from heaven," and "by manifestation of the truth, commended himself to every conscience, in the sight of God." And among the many precious souls who will be his " joy and crown of rejoicing, in the day of the Lord Jesus," is the sub- ject of this memoir. The faithful pastor and the docile mem- ber of his flock now hymn together the praises of Him who loved them, and washed them from their sins in his own blood.

On the 31st of January, 1833, being then in the twentieth year of her age, she received baptism at the hands of Dr. Bedell. The first entry in her Diary, bearing date February 2d, 1833, thus alludes to this solemn and interesting event :

"With a grateful heart do I make this record of my feel- ings. It constitutes but one among the many attempts I have made to keep a Diary. Hitherto, my feelings have been so complicated, and often so inexplicable, that their retro- spect has afforded me little gratification. I trust their nature is now changed, and that the same grace which has thus far influenced my heart will bring it into a state of complete sub- jection, so that I may henceforth daily rejoice in the mercy of my Heavenly Father, and become more and more opposed to aught that is repugnant to His will.

" I have made a solemn vow to devote my heart and life to His service, and was induced to do so by a conviction that strength would be given me for its fulfilment. I trust that the feelings of solemnity induced by a sense of the important step I have taken, may be ever vividly .traced on my memory." In her Diary, January 31st, 1834, she remarks :

" This day, a year ago, my dear and I were baptized.

I entered into such solemn obligations, trusting in the strength

o * o O

of my Saviour, and truly can I say, c Hitherto hath the Lord helped me.'

It was, indeed, a sincere, unreserved surrender that she

1833.] BAPTISM. 2f>

made of herself to the Lord, in his appointed ordinance ; and the covenant into which she then publicly entered was, in all things, " well ordered and sure." None who knew her can douht that she " witnessed a good confession," and how well she fulfilled her solemn promise and vow, to " fight manfully under Christ's banner, and continue his faithful soldier and servant, unto her life's end," all could testify. She led, in- deed, "the rest of her life according to that beginning.' The duty of a public profession of their faith, by all who are intent on the kingdom of heaven, and who indulge a hope of salvation, was to her mind perfectly evident.

Her correspondence will show how faithfully she urged this obligation upon those whom she counselled. The step which she herself took from conscience towards God, and from the desire to render full obedience to her Saviour's commands, and which she was fully convinced had brought her rich spi- ritual blessings, she earnestly commended to all who were seeking the way of life. And representations of the binding and sacred character of this duty, and -of the benefits that would flow from its right performance, came with much power and effect from one so spiritually-minded. That there is no necessary connection between divinely-appointed forms and formality, and that the way of obedience is the way of peace and holiness, was made evident by her own example. Miss Allibone's early associations, it may be here remarked, were, to a considerable extent, with the Society of Friends. She numbered many endeared intimates and family connections among that people, and in her letters and conversation was accustomed frequently to use their characteristic language.

The next entry in her Diary, which, from this time, was kept up, for-some years, with little interruption, records her feelings of anxiety in reference to her first approach to the Lord's table :

" February &h. — I was not aware until Saturday afternoon that I was expected to take the Sacrament the next day. I

3

26 THE LORD'S TABLE. [1833.

felt greatly agitated, as I feared my mind was not prepared for so solemn an ordinance. I made several unsuccessful efforts to see Dr. Bedell, with a determination to tell him the nature of my feelings, and to be guided then by his advice. As I could not see him, I felt very uneasy on the subject, and my rest was much disturbed. I did not dare to refuse the privilege, and feared to accept it. I almost concluded, however, to accept it before going to church. I had then an opportunity of seeing Dr. Bedell, and my resolution was con- firmed. I have never before experienced feelings of so solemn a nature. I now rejoice that I acted as I did. I wTas as- sured of the sincerity of my heart, and trusted to God for the rest. May I ever be enabled to trust in His mercy. I have so little faith. I trust it will be increased. I feel the most heartfelt desire to know more of spiritual things. I am perfectly willing to give up the world, and even all my friends, and my life, if it be God's will, and yet I feel so ignorant, and so very sinful : my mind has been so much confused dur- ing the past week. I pray Thee, oh, my Heavenly Father, to give me more faith in Thee ; to take away every enjoy- ment and every desire opposed to Thy will ; to enable me to love Thee supremely ; to perform every duty in the most conscientious manner, and to delight in Thy word, in Thy people, and in prayer to Thee. Teach me to love my Bible better than all other books.

" I feel very thankful that I am so surrounded by friends, and, above all, that my beloved parent is so disposed to en- courage my endeavours to perform my duty."

" Monday, Feb. 12th. — I have endured severe suffering. I have experienced so much kindness during my short indis- position, and have passed so many happy moments, that I can recur to it with pleasure. I have been reading Baxter's Saints' Rest, and have derived both pleasure and profit from its perusal. What would once have induced me to read such

1833.] SELF-EXAMINATION. 27

a book ! It would have seemed too dry arid prosing for endurance.

" There is nothing equal to religion. One moment of its enjoyment is worth more than all the pleasures of the world. If, with the limited experience I have had of its influence, such is my conviction, how happy, how joyful must be those who are wholly devoted to its service ! I trust that I shall improve every day. To become a devoted Christian is the earnest desire of my heart, and I do believe that God will make me one. My heart is not now in the right state, and I sometimes fear it never will be, but I would yet trust in Him who is the light of my countenance, and my God. How grateful I feel for His exceeding mercy !"

"February YltJi. — I was prevented by the inclemency of the weather from attending church on Friday evening, and regretted it much, for I especially enjoy our lectures, there is so much spirituality in them. Yesterday I felt unusually happy : I am too much disposed to check such feelings from a fear that they are not the result of self-knowledge. I sus- pect that I may thereby account for the depression I some- times feel. I heard a sermon, this morning, on the danger of self-dependence. I do trust that I shall be gifted with more humility : so much danger is incurred by the slightest approach to self-righteousness, and I trust that I shall never be guided in matters of conscience by the opinion of the world. This afternoon I heard a blessed sermon from Dr. B. His text was, "I press toward the mark," and was ad- dressed to professors of religion chiefly. He urged the im- portance of a correct estimate of our spiritual condition. I have most earnestly endeavored to attain it : I am sure of this much, that I have been induced to make a profession of religion by a conviction of duty, and a sincere desire to en- list myself among the followers of Christ, with a willingness to incur all risk, and to make every needful sacrifice ; that I would gladly renounce every pursuit in which I ever have,

28 THE LORD'S TABLE. [1833.

or continue to delight, if convinced that my eternal interest would be thereby advanced. I am convinced of my incapa- city to do right, and am able to trust in Christ for my re- demption, though I often feel that my faith is very weak/'

" February 2Qth. — I am not often able to write even a few lines, as I almost invariably increase the pain in my shoulder by doing so. I have experienced much mercy with- in the past week or two, and many feelings for which I de- sire to be very grateful. I enjoyed Sunday very much. I always observe that when I feel in the morning a very warm desire to perform my duty, and pray earnestly that I may be enabled to do so, I pass an unusually happy day."

Her Diary gives very early indication of that close and faithful self-examination, which was ever a marked feature of her character as a Christian. Her fervent petition was often